Emerson Brown

All Roads Lead Home

Nah, this here ain't ripped from the pages of Lowrider magazine. This fine, upstanding woman is my mama. So, don't go getting no fresh ideas. Despite the fact that's she's posing with such a nice ride, she ain't really a fan of classic cars. Hard to believe looking at her, I know.

So, why's she care about that ol' truck then anyway? Well, since this '53 Chevy has long since retired from the working life, it's now a show car. The owner still amazingly has the original bill of sale. It lists the salesman as a "Thompson." That guy, he's my granddad. That makes the truck sort of a family artifact. When you have roots as deep and widespread in a particular place as my family does in Conway, SC, you touch on some surprising discoveries.

See there on the right? There's my granddad's name. While you're looking at the invoice, check out the price of the car. Also, I cropped it out, but 15 gallons of gas is listed as costing $4.73 -- only slightly more than the average price of one gallon today. Another interesting bit is that there is an extra charge for a bumper.

"I say we look for him for the rest of our lives."

This isn't just an awesome piece of nostalgic graffiti. It's also a clue. Near this wall is a nice metal mini-ramp. You wouldn't know it, though. The ramp is hidden from the street and this side of the building by concrete walls. In fact, the only reason I know it's there is because I saw it from the window of a place I was checking out while apartment hunting. After trying to go skate the ramp, I couldn't get to it. All I could find was this seemingly innocuous little stencil. The only nearby door is the entrance to a warehouse. How do I skate this ramp. Who can help me solve this mystery? Have you seen him?

note 1: location intentionally left out.
note 2: the actor who played Animal Chin and I share the same first name.

And on the 8th Day, God Dropped Acid

Attended the Lighting to Unite event at the National Cathedral in Washington, DC, on May 10.

Slightly Off Target

I could be wrong, but I think this advertising strategy has a tiny flaw.

Dargan and E. Cheves St. in Florence, SC

Insert Bad Jeff Foxworthy Joke Here

Seen on Highway 22 in SC, traveling at speeds around 60 mph. Homes don't need no king cab on a lazy Easter Sunday.

Is This a Strip Club or What?

Let's play a game.

Is this a strip club ...

or a restaurant?

Okay. One more.

Is this a strip club ...

or a child's amusement? Think his spidey-crotch is tinglin'?

Thanks for playing ... perv.

Gettting Wasted, Part 3: She Blinded Me with Scientology

Where's Tom Cruise when you really need him? He wasn't around to rescue this significant chunk of the Scientology catalog. It was trashed outside of a church at 7th St and Massachusetts, NW in Washington, DC. According to the enclosed receipt, these items were donated to the church but have a street value of around $300. I gave some of it away to curious coworkers and the remainder to a library. I'm like a Gideon Scientologist or something.

God Advertises in Mysterious Ways

Seen at Seaboard St. and 501 in Myrtle Beach, SC

Your Music Is Garbage

On a dumpster near 28th Ave S and Ocean Blvd in North Myrtle Beach, SC

In a Tourist Trap Far, Far Away

Tattooine's no beach, so R2-D2 hits South Carolina's Grand Strand.

US 17 and 27th Ave S in NMB, SC

Looking for One-Eyed Willy's Stash

My friend Andre took me on a geocaching for the first time. Finding buried treasure is much easier with the exact coordinates and a handheld GPS device.

My first geocache. Aww, ain't it cute.

As famous and beloved by me as that one going to Brooklyn is to many -- the bridge into downtown Conway, SC.

Andre presses onward in his lonely search for random shit people leave in the woods.

Pro Bono Publico

Seen around 7th & M, NW, Washington, DC

This piece was done by an artist who studied under relatively popular local painter Matt Sesow.

Houseless Beautiful

With rent like it is, I wonder how much these no-frills studios could go for? Their residents may be technically homeless, but the ingenuity displayed here is a bit inspiring.

Dude has obviously been paying attention at the Homeless Depot Know-How workshops.

Who needs elfa? This place is almost more organized than my apartment.

Prices Slashed?

15th & U St, NW, Washington, DC

Trick or Treat. Smell My Feet.

Grimly fiendish and fantastic sighting at 14th & Rhode Island, NW, Washington, DC